God speaks through the Ipod

David Crowder, Come Alive

Are we left here on our own?
Can you feel when your last breath is gone?
Night is weighing heavy now
Be quiet and wait for a voice that will say

Come awake
From sleep, arise
You were dead
You’ve come alive
Wake up wake up
Open your eyes
Climb from your grave
Into the light
Bring us back to life

You are not the only one
Who feels like the only one
Night soon will be lifted friend
Just be quiet and wait for the voice that will say

Come awake
From sleep, arise
You were dead
You’ve come alive
Wake up wake up
Open your eyes
Climb from your grave
Into the light
Bring us back to life

Rise, rise, rise, rise, rise

Rise, rise, rise, rise….
Shine, shine, Oh shine
We will shine
We will rise

We will shine, shine, shine 

I had a wonderful conversation today with the RUF staff member, Lizabeth.  She just gave me the oppertunity to spill about all the struggles I'm having this semester, and it was amazing.  This semester has been SO hard, acedemicly, spiritually, socially, just in life, and it was SO amazing to be able to just spill.  This song is what I listened to on the way to class after our meeting....it really spoke to me, and just kind of identifies how I'm feeling, and desire to feel.  

I have grass stains on my rainbows

This was a twitter status I noticed before I left for church this morning, and the inspiration to the blog tonight: 

"Sir, why did you take such pains to hide yourself? — Bertrand Russel on what he would say to God if he turns out to exist."

and this is a piece of the psalm from church this morning: 

^{Psalm 89:46} How long, O LORD? Will you hide yourself forever?  How long will your wrath burn like fire?

For those of you who do not walk from Johnson to Phelps here at Winthrop everyday, construction of the "scholars walk" and the new student center have made that walk a little inconvenient.  I have to walk through the front of campus, through the Nance, and then across some traitorous parking lots to reach the building where theatre is sometimes created.  Its usually manageable, taking about eight min if your walking at a brisk pace.  The problem comes in when its 11:00, and access to the Nance is limited to its 200 or so residents, myself not included.  I believe it is possible to cut through another building to reach the front of campus, but tonight, i didn't feel like risking it, and therefor had 2 choices: on the road in the back of campus, or through the art building and around the front of campus.  The later has proven to be the safer, so I clearly chose that route.  So slightly annoyed, I put in my earbuds, and set off to make this unnessarly long journey to my warm bed (which I am still not in by the way).  

As I walked, I became less and less irritated with the situation at hand, and more and more thankful for the beautiful night sky and the cool breeze and the Damien Rice playing in my ears.  More and more thankful that my God has laid out his beauty for us, and that I can sometimes find it in the nothingness of an empty campus, and cool, wet grass.  

I think, as humans, we miss God.  Alot.  Our sinful nature hides Him from us.  He is not hiding, we just cannot see.  I also think that God should be visible in His people.  We should allow God to shine through us, allow Him to be seen, not us.  It breaks my heart to hear people say that they can't see God, because I want them to be able to see Him through me.  I want to be His hands, maybe His feet, any thing I can, but I want it be be clear that I am his, that I am his creation, that my life is a full devotion to Him, and not about myself.  I need to trust him, and not be timid about my beliefs, and what I hold close.  

God isn't hiding, maybe just I am.  

Sometime in my life

On the way home from the Dominican Republic I wrote this list...its a work in progress, and I've done it before...which is a little bit frustrating because I don't know where those lists are, and I know I've done or am doing somethings on them.  At any rate, here is the new, updated, and improved version 

3-20-09

Sometime in my life

-Live in Europe

-Travel through Europe

-Go to at least 10 different countries 

-Live in Dominican Republic, or at least go back more than once

-Teach in a public school, one that serves inner city kids

-Open my own theatre company

- Have dreads

-climb a real mountain

-go hiking....alot

-get married

-live somewhere where snow happens...often

-actually use something i've made

-have a child

-join the peace corps

-become bilingual, or close 

Footprints

These are my travels for spring break
At Diago Columbus's house, Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic 

at Club Noel School in Santiago, Dominican Republic

The same place :-) we had matching pants

the beach in the DR...i don't know which one :-)

More post to come about my trip when its not 130 am

progression of uniqueness

(I'm trying to take one good picture a day.  The first and last are from last weekend, the second is from yesterday.)

I am just a servant in a higher plan

Yesterday was a hard day.  I guess its always hard to be reminded that your not the center of the Universe, that I am just a servant in a higher plan, one that is beyond I can even fathom.   That's what I learned yesterday.  This life is not about me.  Its not, and as hard as it is to be reminded of that, and as much as my feelings get hurt, is vital to becoming a servant of Christ.  I pray that I become more of one every day, and I am realizing that it is NOT comfortable.  I need to love people ONLY because Christ loved me first.  I cannot expect and get my fulfillment from others, I can only find it in Christ.  

I'm great at this everyday thing

Psalms 38 

¹O LORD, rebuke me not in your anger,
   nor discipline me in your wrath!
²For your arrows have sunk into me,
   and your hand has come down on me.

 ³There is no soundness in my flesh
   because of your indignation;
there is no health in my bones
   because of my sin.
⁴For my iniquities have gone over my head;
   like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.

 ⁵My wounds stink and fester
   because of my foolishness,
⁶I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;
   all the day I go about mourning.
⁷For my sides are filled with burning,
   and there is no soundness in my flesh.
⁸I am feeble and crushed;
   I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

 ⁹O Lord, all my longing is before you;
   my sighing is not hidden from you.
¹⁰My heart throbs; my strength fails me,
   and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me.
¹¹My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague,
   and my nearest kin stand far off.

 ¹²Those who seek my life lay their snares;
   those who seek my hurt speak of ruin
   and meditate treachery all day long.

 ¹³But I am like a deaf man; I do not hear,
   like a mute man who does not open his mouth.
¹⁴I have become like a man who does not hear,
   and in whose mouth are no rebukes.

 ¹⁵But for you, O LORD, do I wait;
   it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.
¹⁶For I said, "Only let them not rejoice over me,
   who boast against me when my foot slips!"

 ¹⁷For I am ready to fall,
   and my pain is ever before me.
¹⁸I confess my iniquity;
   I am sorry for my sin.
¹⁹But my foes are vigorous, they are mighty,
   and many are those who hate me wrongfully.
²⁰Those who render me evil for good
    accuse me because I follow after good.

 ²¹Do not forsake me, O LORD!
   O my God, be not far from me!
²² Make haste to help me,
   O Lord, my salvation!

"There is no soundness in our flesh"  Our flesh is easily broken, it is our enemy, and can destroy us.  We should wait for the Lord, and trust in Him.  Trust and pray that he will heal us, and save us from our earthly selves.  Alone we are unstable, broken, and evil.  He fulfills us and saves us from the evil that is our human nature

This is something that is so hard for me because I have this need to be absolutely perfect all the time.  I feel like I have to do things perfectly the first time.  When I screw up I get hugely bent out of shape.  Sin isn't good, but its a part of my nature.  I know God is here to rescue me from my sin.  I need to start relying on my nature to be good, and begin to trust God to change me, and make my nature further from my own, and closer to His.  

Happy Birthday to You

Birthday week! I really think this may have been my most fantastic birthday ever.  I was able to do so much with my friends, Monday with Tom at the yummy Cheesecake factory, and wed with a bunch of friends, and then this weekend with my family, and now its snowing!!  

I am so thankful for all of my friends!! I am just really happy with where God has brought me over the past year.  I have dealt with some not so fun stuff, especially my grandmother's stroke.  (she is doing well right now, considering that she had 2 strokes, and she's 89)  I have learned so much about theatre, including how fun lighting design is!  I have grown so much in my relationship with Christ.  I have learned what it really means to be a servant of Christ, and to truly love my neighbor.  I have discovered a passion for the underprivileged around the world and stateside, and am so excited to where God is leading me in the future.  I am looking forward to London in the fall (if I can get the application in!), and maybe the peace corps when I graduate, and eventually "my own" inner city theatre company.  I am so thankful that God has given me these amazing dreams! 

So here is what my goal as a fresh 20 year old is: I want to learn something new everyday.  My goal would be to write a blog every day about what God has taught me that day.  Even if its something small, I want to share what God is doing in my life, cause I know He is doing something big!